Is there anything hornier than a sultry striptease? I don’t think so. With the right music, voluptuous moves and a handle that lets water flow from the ceiling, you can give everyone an unforgettable night. Okay, maybe I’m being naive. My knowledge of stripping is based entirely on scenes from Hollywood blockbusters like Flashdance, Striptease and From Dusk Till Dawn. Yet I am immensely fascinated by strippers. How do you seduce a group of screaming bachelors with just a few dance moves? What numbers do you always score with? And who are these divine creatures who can give the audience a collective orgasm with just a few moves?
To get answers to all my questions, I’m going to visit Michèle and Kevin, a comic book couple that set up their own agency. I expect a grim nightclub bathed in pink neon light, but end up in a scene that could come straight from an advertisement for Appelsientje. In the cozy living room toys are scattered, a cute toddler tries to stuff a piece of bread in my mouth, while the Chihuahua Bella almost pisses on the carpet of joy. Oh yes, the hostess is fitting panther lingerie. “My breasts are swollen because I’m still breast-feeding. Good thing you’ve just come to take pictures,” she tells me, while pouring my tea.
After a coffee chat for a while about what it’s like to live in Capelle aan den IJssel, I meet strippers Helios and Foxy, two treasures who make me melt completely within a minute. While trying on bottomless cowboy panties, they tell me about those times they had to dance on Bumba, they had to wear a cactus suit and about how horrible it is that DJ’s play Fransje Bauer during a comic strip.
Stripacts Foxy, 29
Hey Foxy, what kind of music do you like to comic to?
During the show I prefer to dance to r&b and Rihanna, but with every show I choose a different song. For the police act I like to play Bad Boys by Bob Marley and for the granny act I always start the stripping with I sing this song for you only by Jantje Smit.
Wait a minute… granny act? Yeah, that’s an act for, like, someone’s 65th birthday. You play a grandma and dance to typical grandma music. You come on with a cane, a wig, glasses and grandma clothes. Then you start stripping. That’s really hilarious. It makes the audience completely wild.
Are there songs that are always a bull’s-eye view?
Who Let The Dogs Out is a crowd favorite. As I strip, I put a leash around the neck of the person I’m giving a lap dance. That’s always a success.
And have you ever had to strip to very danceable music?
Yes, I have. Sometimes the venue has its own music. You’re stripping sexy and suddenly they put on Frans Bauer. I just keep dancing, even though it’s pretty embarrassing.
What kind of music do you like to listen to?
I like to listen to rockabilly and jazz. I really like Ray Charles and Elvis Presley, but most of all I’m a fan of Amy Winehouse. I even had her head tattooed on my leg. I would love to do an Amy Winehouse act, because I think the timing of her singing is so sultry and sexy. There’s so much feeling in her music.
That sounds good. What’s your favorite act?
The fat lady striptease. In it I wear a fatsuit with a thong above it, a weird wig and crazy fake teeth, and have to rub against the audience on Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot. I also throw chips in the audience. I love to act and I also like a little humour in my acts. I also like the contrast between what I look like in that suit and how sexy it is when I turn into a stripper with spicy lingerie.
Finally, which song would you like to get a lap dance on?
On Birthday Sex by Jeremih. Of course, it must be my birthday.
Why did you choose the name Helios?
Six years ago I started playing sports and was inspired by Greek culture. I want to build my body like those Greek statues with fitness. Your body is your temple, you know? With a more three-dimensional body you get more self-confidence when you strip. Besides, I don’t want to disappoint people who’ve booked me.
That’s sweet. What kind of music do you prefer to strip to?
I prefer to gravel on Ginuwine’s Pony. You can go slow. Imagine: I put on my police suit while I dance sensually between the ladies. Then I’ll pick one out and make a little arrest. In the end, more and more clothes go out, I show pieces of my body. I make the audience completely wild. I think you should have a little sex with your viewers.